What do we even want?
(and how can I help?)
In episode 2 of the latest season of The Bear, Sugar tells Carmy “It’s completely 100% okay if you don’t love it anymore” and at that moment, she gives him quiet permission to let go. To walk away if that’s what he needs. That was a deep one, particularly deeper to some us in the creative field. Not because we are creatives but because these fields are very individual forward, thought driven and led by the heart.
Like, if you don’t enjoy your work it’s glaring.
Think of any field where this may apply. you could be a chef, writer, marketer, photographer, interior designer and the list goes on. In these worlds, your output depends entirely on whether your head is in the game and the moment something seems off, everyone will notice, they might even hit you with the popular “Hmm this doesn’t feel like you”, politely.
The hardest part of this? Admitting it to yourself. That maybe you’ve fallen out of love with that one thing you chose. Emphasis on the word ‘chose”, it’s doing a lot of heavy lifting. Because this wasn’t forced on you/us. We picked, pivoted, chased and told everyone “this is who I am“
The point is that these are professions we chose out of our own volition and that’s why it stings when the passion fades. There’s guilt and embarrassment because we feel like we let our peers down. In Carmy’s case, he was conflicted because he was doing it for his dead brother and if he quit, maybe that would have been a betrayal.
We’re told from early on that being decisive is a feature of adulthood. Being fickle-minded is used as an insult.
“Am I really someone who can’t stick to one thing?“
I have come to ask myself this question. A lot.
And, tbh. It’s easier to continue doing what you do without being in love with it than accept it and course-correct because no one likes friction. Friction hurts.
There’s this thing called “Career Entrenchment”
It happens when your sense of security, investment and identity gets so deeply tied to a job or profession, that even the thought of leaving it feels like a betrayal. You stay, not out of love but out of loss aversion.
Which brings me back to Sugar and Carmy.
The scene really hit me because it revealed something deeper:
We cling to old dreams out of duty and not desire. There’s a term for this- IDENTITY FORECLOSURE
When we lock into a path before fully exploring who we are. We inherit it, commit to it and confuse it for “forever”.
“But I wanted to be a writer since I was 14. And now I am a writer and I kinda hate it." - internal Monologue
In moments like this, all we’re really looking for is that quiet nod that says it’s okay.
“You do you, you can leave if you have to.”